Ep #44 Adam Gunton: Tell Your Story

Jen: 0:00

Welcome back to the unbreakable boundaries podcast with your host myself, Jennifer Maneely. I have a very exciting guest for us today I am sitting here reading over his bio it His name is Adam. And I should have asked you before we hit the record button, but this is the raw and real of it. It's got Gutten is that? Yes. Tell me how you pronounce

Adam: 0:22

Adam Vibe Gunton? Yeah, all right.

Jen: 0:25

and I am, I was just reading over a little bit about his history. And I'm very excited. I feel like he's gonna have a lot to bring to you guys in terms of his experience, strength and hope and also how much he really helps in this community of recovery. He has his own company podcast surrounding called recovered on purpose. And I just love that name. So if you could just actually start with that, Adam, like, tell us a little bit about recovered on purpose. How did you get into this? What do you do all of those great things that you do out there for the recovery community?

Adam: 1:07

Yeah, absolutely. I appreciate you having me, Jennifer, really excited to get excited to talk to the audience and spread this message. Because a while ago, just about four years ago, I didn't even know what it looked like to be recovered, I didn't know that it was even possible. And now, in my recovery, I've, you know, I've found this newfound calling. And I believe that the that the number one relapse prevention is living a life filled with purpose, like waking up and knowing what you're going to do that day to serve others. And I was actually, I had, I had been working in my recovery for about 18 months, almost two years, it was near two years, on this other company that I was doing this marketing company for health care services, and it was going really well. But I got, I just got to this point where I, I wasn't feeling fulfilled in my life. And like I was doing something that I was born to do. And I remember sitting on my couch and just like getting this overwhelming sense of like, of it almost turned into depression. Because I had, I had the apartment, I had the car, I had the bank account and these things that were going really well. But for some reason, I still had this empty feeling that that used to come before I needed to use. But in my recovery, I found you know, I got to do something about it. So I went straight over to my bed, and I raised my hands on my knees and I just said, God, I'm sick of this, I don't want to feel this way. Show me what I need to do to help and serve millions of people. God, I know that you put me here to speak, I know that you put me here to serve, show me what I need to do. And then I went to bed next morning, I wake up, I do the exact same prayer. Within 30 minutes, I saw an ad for a conference out in California for this Christian entrepreneurship conference, how to bring God into your business. And I was going out there for my marketing company. But the first night of this conference, I was up, we were worshipping to Jesus culture. And I was I went there totally on a whim totally alone didn't know anybody there. And I'm just worshiping and then I literally hear a whisper from God say your new company is called recovered on purpose. And right there on the on the worship floor, I pulled out my phone, I got the domain name, I checked it on Secretary of State, I was like holy cow. That's, that really is mine. And then that was that was on September 28 of 2019. And I ended up meeting somebody there that taught people how to write and publish their books. So and while he was speaking, God told me, like, you need to write your book, publish your book, and other people are gonna know it's possible for them. And so I wrote wrote my book from September 28. And I actually launched it on November 6. So in five weeks, I wrote in published and became a best seller for my book from chains to save one man's journey through the spiritual realm of addiction. One month after that, on December 6 of 2019, I went to another conference out in San Diego, California. And I was standing in the back, I used to have this big old beard and I was just standing in the back, listening to the speakers and everything. And this man came up to me that I had never met before with a copy of my book, and he handed it to me and he said, bro, your book changed my life. I have three weeks clean, we signed it for me. And that just completely changed the game for me because I realized that I had never met this person. I had never spoken to this person but he got clean through my story. And that's that's when it like dawned on me that more of us need to be getting our stories out in more ways more more mediums, whether it be this this podcast that we're doing right now, whether it be we speak in a fellowship or, or my main focus right now is helping addicts to write and publish their books because during that process of writing and publishing my book in five weeks, I actually created A very simple system that any addict in recovery or any alcoholic in recovery can just implant their story into my system. And they have a book. So I do a 90 day program on how to write and publish your experience, strength and hope into a best selling book. And then I have a three step process, I'm working on the first one, it's called write, speak, serve, because we write our book. And the reason why we write first is because it helps us to get our story really well ingrained in us, we remember the details, we remember the stories. And we're able to tell them at any point to anyone whenever we're having a conversation, and then it's speak. So we start speaking, we start getting on podcasts, we start going to fellowships, we start speaking on stages, different different forms of speaking our story. And then we serve. And right now I'm partnering with, with one of the largest company that speaks in high schools, middle schools and elementary schools for prevention. And him and I are going to start working together on training everybody that goes through my courses, on how to teach their story for prevention in schools, which is the ultimate goal of all of this, we need to get our stories out to help people know, there's hope to get out of her out of addiction, but more so need to prevent it from going into the future. Last year, I just saw this, I thought it was only 80,000 last year. But I just saw an article today, it was actually 93,000 overdoses last year. And we are on track to beat that, again, the only way that we're actually going to curb this and to stop this is by prevention, too many people are focusing on treatment for an addict. And in reality, if you're out there suffering, it's up to you. But it's up to you to do it. There's no There's no special sponsor, or special pastor or special treatment, that's going to help you it's going to end up being on you. And that's what everybody needs to stop focusing on and start focusing on prevention. So these numbers go down instead of continually go up. And kids are dying.

Jen: 7:04

Yeah, it's crazy. I've often, you know, commented to a lot of people where it's like, we definitely need to start getting one to the schools younger and start teaching a lot more coping mechanisms to deal with. Some of those mental health aspects are just just life in general. You know, we're so quote unquote, busy that we forget to cultivate, you know, those the tools that we need to really deal with life. And and I think it's really important, what you're saying, in terms of prevention, one, there's a lot of things that we can do to to help someone, before they even get so far into their like addiction to once it's happened, how do we arrest it, and then move forward from there, where it's like, we can get our lives back, you know, and that's, that's part of the the recovery journey is just really focusing on being intentional about the decisions, and the changes that we need to make to support the goals that we want in our lives. And it sounds like that's kind of a lot of what you help a lot of recovery people do is just really lay that out for them and say that, listen, if you really want this, it's possible. And this is how you do it. Nothing's gonna be easy. It's gonna be uncomfortable sometimes. But it's possible. And anybody can if they want to, but it's all up to you. You're Yeah, it's like, I think back into a lot of people will say things like, Oh, well, I have a disease, I have a disease, I can't help myself, I can't help myself. And I'm like, Well, you know what, when I was smoking crack, I knew that I was bringing the crack pipe up to my mouth, that was a choice. That right, there was a choice. At some point, I didn't want to make that choice anymore. And so I did something different. And I made some different choices. And there was times where it was like, this is challenging, but I just am going to make the choice to not bring the crack pipe back up to my mouth again. Right. So and then what all I have to do in order to maintain that sort of lifestyle for myself today. And I have to take care of myself. So when you're working with some of the recovery people, what are some of the things that you support and help them with in terms of helping them see and maintain their recovery?

Adam: 9:42

You know, I don't I don't focus on seeing and maintaining recovery because I think if we focus too much on recovery for the rest of our lives, then we're letting our addiction dictate our life. And the whole point of recovering on purpose is to live recovered from that seemingly hopeless state of mind body In spirit where we were trapped in an addiction to where we had to use drugs and or alcohol, and now I focus on honestly, it's it's the whole point of it is to get them away from the thinking of always being in recovery. I think that the point that treatment centers actually started some kind of like poisonous mind thinking where you're always going to be recovering, you're always going to be in recovery. relapse is a part of relapse is a part of recovery. That is crap. You and I are talking right now you smoked crack, I shot heroin and meth and smoked crack. I tried crack once for like three months. But I like we get it, if you're out there suffering, you're listening to people that get it. And we recovered. And I haven't even had had a craving or obsession or anything like that, since day 26 of my recovery. That's, that's a big deal. And it's possible.

Jen: 10:55

Yeah. And I think what you're hitting on something very important, where it's like, I look at my life, and I am very much on a journey of just self discovery, it's not even about recovery anymore. It has, it hasn't had anything to do with drugs or alcohol at a very, very long time. In terms of where I'm at, it's mostly just, I really enjoy this self discovery journey, getting in touch with myself knowing who I am, that doesn't involve alcohol and drugs anymore. But I am so much more than, you know, being quote unquote, an addict or in recovery or anything like that, like, I am just a person living their best life, and having goals that it's like, now I can attain them. And because I am taking care of myself, both on the journey of like the self discovery, but what does it mean to set a goal and actually go and achieve it? It's like, let's focus on that. And like, how do you support yourself in terms of every day you wake up and we make choices? Sometimes days are uncomfortable, and it's like, how can I take care of myself this day has nothing to do with whether or not I, you know, am craving alcohol or drugs. It's just like, right, we take care of myself today? How do I? How do I not get stuck into feeling sorry for myself or isolation, stuff like that. So I think you're hitting on a lot of really great points where it's like, when we focus so much on just being absorbed in our addictive mindsets, that can be a challenge to how do we break free and get the lives that we really want? If we're all we're thinking about is our past? How do we move forward with ourselves? So I'm in terms of I always like this, because some people really need to hear this, this podcast is generally focused around the families and the support for families, because there's a lot of families out there that are dealing with their loved ones that are doing the same things that we were doing, you know, smoking, crack, shooting, heroin, all of those things, and they have no idea what the hell to do. And so this is kind of a way for people to kind of get some insights from other people who've had those kinds of past, what was helpful for you, when you were in that state of mind that your parents did, and also what was not helpful, like when you talk to family members. Now, what are the things that you tell them? That was most helpful for you?

Adam: 13:52

You know, one thing that I never questioned was my family's love for me, no matter what, and it was unconditional. And that was so so huge for me, because when the time came, where I was actually ready, and the things had happened in my life to where I knew I had to stop, and I finally got this this grace period from God, I knew that I could turn to my family. You know, even though my sister and I fell out for a while, like my sister's, my best friend, and we had the fallout, she couldn't watch her her brother at 148 pounds, you know, and, you know, doing the things I was doing to myself, so we basically didn't talk. But then as soon as I started recovery, you know, within 45 days, I moved back from Montana to Colorado moved in with my sister, you know, and that that was that wasn't enabling. It was supporting. If and here's I have, there's a whole lot of different ideas about about tough love. And I personally believe there's ways to do tough love that that don't necessarily call it tough love. Like, should you have your heroin addict son living in your basement? No, sorry. It's, it's gonna be it's gonna be it's bad for you. It's bad for him. And it's going to end up with, you're the one that's going to find stuff. But should you should you reach out to your addict, brother, sister, son, daughter, on at least a weekly basis? Yes. They should always, always, always know that you love them. And it's unconditional. It doesn't matter that they like, it doesn't matter to you that they're using. It matters that you want them to get help. But the best way that you can help them is just letting them know how loved they are. And if you're, I had to for a while my mom would like when she would call me. She would ask me like, Well, are you using them? And then it got to a point where I was like, What do you want me to say? You know, yes, like I can't, I can't stop. There's nothing you can do. I don't want to talk to you, because that's all you ever asked me about, you know, and then ended up with me like not accepting phone calls anymore. But but but I just knew that she was always loving me, you know. And then at the, at the beginning of my recovery, in the first like 3030 days, I remember specifically, like very, very clearly feeling a tug in my heart that I needed to get home because I got I got clean and sober on November 6. So it was within like the first 3045 days, I started feeling this tug on my heart, and just intuitively knowing that I needed to make it home for Christmas. And there was a whole bunch of hoops I had to run through because I was in Montana, I was on probation because they caught me with drugs up there. So I had to go through all the legal hoops to be able to get back. But then when I get back, and I make it to the family Christmas party, my grandma, my mom and two of my aunts, all told me, they had been praying hard for me to make it home for this Christmas party. Ah, so the power of prayer is so real, no matter what your faith is, no matter what your faith is, I have people that I work with in recovery in different different 12 Step fellowships and things like that, that have all different types of faith. But prayer works, and it works for you also release. Because if you're resenting your son, daughter, brother, sister, dad, mom, for their drug use, that's that's holding yourself and them to a bondage of resentment. Pray for them. And just tell them that you love them.

Jen: 17:54

Yeah. And, you know, my mom spent her fair share of time praying for me. And, you know, we had very much divine intervention where she got exactly what it was that she kind of wanted, right. But, you know, here's the interesting thing is, and we can call it prayer, but it's like, there are scientific studies out there about like laws of attraction, about just setting intentions, having a goal people, this is like, what vision boards, you know, are doing, and a lot of people that do spend a lot of time like on vision boards, you know, they're setting out a goal they're they're looking for, they're like, this is what I want in my life. And that's a cinch. That's all that prayer really is I think sometimes we we forget that it's like, what Call it what you want this is but this is a scientific studies have been done on this very thing that says, There is a law of attraction that happens, and that you can get your kid to get what you asked for. As a matter of fact, there's a lot of running jokes, like Be careful what you pray for, because you're probably going to get it. Yeah, you know, the worst thing you can ever pray for is patience. Because you're not going to get patients you're going to get plenty of opportunities to practice patience. You know, but But it's but it is. It's, it's prayer is such an important thing because it's, it creates a space in time for to be kind of in that reflective, you know, part of this journey, or it's like there's a lot of hope that happens in prayer as well. Yeah, a lot of community that can happen, especially if you're in you know, involved in prayer groups. There's something I love that you shared that story about. You just had this tug and it's because everyone was praying for you sick we can feel that. And that's the thing that that when we are out in our substance abuse Just keep praying. We don't know. And we don't get to know what the end results are going to be. But just keep praying anyway. And I was thinking about, like what you were saying about tough love. There's so many ways to show that. And I always define tough love as not being necessarily tough on them, but having to sometimes make decisions that are tough to do. And, you know, loving your kids through loving your your husbands wives, or whoever it is, your loved one is just loving them through it in this way I set this to be the unbreakable boundaries is, is that it requires a lot of emotional boundaries, physical boundaries. I mean, there's a lot that goes into not making this about anything other than loving them through this. And we don't we don't keep heroin addicts in the basement. Right, you know, but if they're asking for help, it's like, I am a big proponent of being supportive and helping our loved ones. It's just knowing when and how it when and how is it really being helpful. So if you keep giving them money, right, you're not seeing the the results that you're wanting to see, it may be time to change some of those things. It's like maybe, maybe as much as you wanted it to be helpful for them because you wanted to do the right things that may not actually be helping, and that's okay, because you still want to support them. So let's find other ways of supporting them that are helpful. Yeah. So, so that point for your own family? What, what did that look like for your, for your parents? You know, what were some of the things that they were doing and being there? Were they confused? Were they just having a hard time? What were the I mean, I know you had already mentioned your mom, but like, you know, what were some of the conversations that were happening.

Unknown: 22:09

I mean, it was, it was hard to watch my fall, because I was I was like, Golden Boy, I was Allstate football player, defensive captain of my state championship football team at Columbine High School, captain of the wrestling team, you know, all these things. And then, and then I just started declining after high school. And by the time I was 19, or 20, was when my family first found out about my serious oxycontin use. And then just and then moving on from there, like I was prescribed 250 milligrams of OxyContin a day by a doctor when I was 19 years old, and then four milligrams Xanax. And it was just, it was really hard for them to watch because they, they knew me. And the drugs were changing me slowly, but but radically, radically changing the way that I was towards people. I wasn't I always had a good heart, but drugs just change you. Drugs change you and our relationship. The thing is my mom's love, just never, it never ceases to amaze me that she could love somebody that was doing the things that I was doing, and consistently using and disappointing and being found dead behind the wheel of a car. And and, you know, being getting, I got a felony because I was because I was sick. I was found to be on the wheel of a car for overdose, and I got a felony for it. There's all these things. There's all kinds of different topics we can do with the eviction policies and stuff. But

Jen: 23:52

But wow, yeah, that's, yeah. Yeah, that's so support what

Adam: 23:56

it looked like. Yeah, what it looked like for my family was they wanted to help so bad, but they just didn't know how. Because they're really they're just as hard as it is to say there really isn't something that the family can necessarily do except for be there for the addict. Love them. And it's, it's really, really good to ask your loved one, what they need for help, rather than telling them what they need to do. For me, when the time came, I knew exactly what I needed to do to get sober and get clean, and do it forever. There wasn't anybody telling me what to do. There wasn't any of that treatment centers actually turned me down because apparently if I'm in Montana, and I'm from Colorado, their state program doesn't allow me to go to treatment. It was really messed up system. But it was even my probation officer was trying to place me in treatment and they wouldn't they wouldn't pays me. But there's, for the family, like, just be there and keep communication with them as much as possible. And just, it's just showering them with love and letting them know that they're loved through it because our disease manifests in isolation. So if we don't feel love if we don't feel connection, if we don't feel community, our disease progresses and and exponentially progresses. Because when I'm alone, all I have is the drugs. And I need them. You know?

Jen: 25:35

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's just the showering with love is show so important, especially because it's like, it's like you were saying earlier, when your mom would keep asking you, you know, if you're using and you're like, Well, I don't want to, like, how do you want me to answer this? Right? You're asking, but this makes me not want to talk to you anymore? Because you're not gonna like the answer. And when I do answer, you know, you're gonna freak out and want to, like, intervene and run in. And I don't want you to do that. I'm not there yet. And, you know, it brought me back, I was talking to this mom one time. And she was asking some similar questions about, you know, them lying and stuff. I'm like, Well, let me ask you something, what is in it for them that would make them want to tell the truth, because what's gonna happen? They're gonna tell you the truth, and you're a freak out. Right? And you're gonna want to intervene, you're going to go rescue them, and they don't want. That's not what they want. You know, so it's not that they're Yes, they are lying, but really, they're just saying, I'm not ready. Yeah, you know, and I think it's important. And it's so hard for the families to sit back and just trust and have faith. And, and I think that what families struggles with the most is, is that they've seen too many times where it not work out. And, you know, like, you just said, there was 93,000 overdoses, where people thought you died. You know, luckily, you were revived. And that's their, like, worst fear, and there's nothing they can do about it. And that's, yeah, it's the saddest thing. And it's also really important for the families, to get help for themselves to support them, so that they can be okay. Not happy, not accepting, necessarily, they may have to grieve, but how are you going to support yourself through whatever happens, right, no. And, and so I think that's the, the really important thing is that families do get help for themselves to support them, and deal with their own stuff, because they can't ask, they're recovering, or their their person that's using, they can't ask for what they need from those people, because they can't give it to him. Yeah, you have to go get your needs somewhere else. Right. You know, figure out what it is that you need to support yourself, and, and in, go to it. So tell me a little bit more about your book, from change to saved one man's journey through the spiritual realm of addiction. What, when people respond to the book, what's like, the most common responses to the book that you receive?

Adam: 28:44

It gives them a message of hope. And I've had so many different people all over the world, reaching out with different things that my book or my story have done for them. I had one. One kid, I'll call him a kid. He was a young man that his older brother sent in my book while he was in county jail. And he actually read the book and decided to give his life to Jesus in jail. And then by the time he left jail, all 36 other people in the pod had read my book. I didn't hit a he hit me up as soon as he left jail, and we ended up meeting up and getting coffee together and talking. But who knows the impact that it had on 36 other people, you know, I've had I've had people reach out and just say that they were encouraged and their faith, they were encouraged in their, their recovery. And the most profound one, and what I wanted the book to do most is people reading it, and recognizing that they could do this themselves. Because I wrote the book. It's really it's, it's really quick read it's the audible is only two hours and 46 minutes. Most people sit down and read it one way all the way through. It's just impulse to go here to here to here to here to here. And the the best thing that happens is when someone in recovery reads it, and they're like, I could write a book like this. Yeah, because it is, it's It's simple. It's simple.

Jen: 30:14

You can I have, I have my own, I'm actually in the middle of writing my second book. And I think it's just so important, like you were saying earlier about getting that message of hope out there that, you know, for the ones that are willing to kind of recover out loud, so to speak, or or just be a little bit more vocal about it. It's so important because it does, it kind of takes away that excuse from other people that are struggling that, oh, this is just how it is. And I'm never going to be any better than than this right now. Well, that's not true. And this is these, these are the stories that say that you can do that. And I can't tell you how many times even still, because I think I'm so inundated with people and in recovery, recovered, and all all of those things. So to me, it's like we have this big circle, and yet I still run across families and stuff that are like, I've never seen anyone get through it. I was like, Hi, my name is Jen, nice to meet you. Like, what do you mean, you're never seen anyone? You just don't know what they are your doctors. They're your lawyers. They're the celebrities that you see on TV. They're people like you that pastors, pastors, like so many. I mean, I can I've had doctors on my podcast before, you know, um, and and it's not exactly like, we always just introduce ourselves in that way, you wouldn't know it, because we're just so we're just people. At the end of the day, all we are is just people. We're no different. We don't carry a sign in our forehead. But it is important to share those stories for that reason. Because I mean, even now, the people that have known me for so long, I'll tell them a story and their eyes get big. And they're just like, Jen, it's too hard to imagine you like that. I cannot Yeah, in that way. Because I'm just me, and you're just you. And this is why our stories are so important is so that you know that we're out there. And that we're doing you're not alone. And that you are not alone. That was originally my my business name was you are you are not alone. I did change it. But that was my original thing, because I just wanted people to feel like, you don't have to do this along the families as well. Because this is a family disease, whether we like it or not. I mean, yeah. But it's like we aren't, we don't have to do this alone. No one's asking. We don't do the life alone. No one does. We need each other. Whether you're in recovery or not, we need each other. So I think it's great, and you are now helping other people to share their stories more and more. What is your favorite? How do I want to phrase this question? What do you get the most out of helping someone share their stories for you.

Unknown: 33:42

Knowing that their story is going to impact and help someone that I wouldn't have been able to reach because my story is, is it's a testimony of the power of God and Jesus specifically. And my my journey through having experiences with the Holy Spirit, having demonic experiences throughout throughout my life, and then having a serious drug problem. And then coming out of it after meeting Jesus face to face at i Ha. Now when I tell that story to like a group of people, a room of people, you know, some of those people might resent me for my story, because it involves Jesus. Some people just have no relation to the fact that I was you know, Allstate football player, you know, Captain, the wrestling team, this kind of stuff, so they don't relate. They're like, Hey, I come from this background. So what I get the most satisfaction out of is knowing that each one of our stories is impactful and needed for a specific person and I think of one person like, like my story specifically won't touch one person. He won't hear the message that But I'm saying for it to take on to him, but someone that I teach how to tell their story will touch him, and he will recover. And I think I think of one but there, but like Britney, Priestley, the first person that went through my program, the the DA, the prosecuting attorney of her case, who prosecuted her, and and got her, the probation sentence and all that ended up buying 30 copies of her book to give to women that he was prosecuting. Like, wow, that's the satisfaction I get out of helping people get their stories out. Because no, prosecuting attorney asked for my book, I gave it to the judge that that the judge me,

Jen: 35:43

right. Like, yeah, and that's so true, is it is, this is just how the it works. It's like, to a certain extent, we're all kind of saying the same things. But people are always going to hear the same things. And sometimes just a little bit of a change in language for someone, you know, for me hits hits them in the right way. And and this is why I love doing the interviews on my podcast, because it can't be just me. It can't be just my voice. It can't be just my words. Right? Right. Other people need to hear from other people, because something that you said is going to hit a family member the right way. And it may not hit, you know, in the previous 20 interviews, but all of a sudden, it just clicks because you said something and they're like, ah, yeah, okay, great. So I love that you are supporting other people and sharing their stories, because I think that a lot of recovery, or recovery, people get kind of in their own way, and intimidated, or going, Oh, I'm not, I'm not a writer, or I'm not this or I'm not this, I couldn't possibly do what you did. But you can. And that's what you're sharing and inspiring other people to do is, you don't have to be a writer to share your story. You just have to have a story and a message of hope. And you can put it on paper, and then give it to someone. Yeah, so I think that's great.

Adam: 37:18

And I've actually created a really, really simple way of if you're a writer or not how to organize your mind, onto paper before you write one word of your book. Right. And then with the right editors, and with right help, you can it's you can get a book out.

Jen: 37:33

And I know and I know that you have, you know, a program all around this. So it's not it can't happen. I mean, I'm hoping that you can just share just a brief overview of what that looks like, for you and your program. That

Adam: 37:50

so I do a story. So one, one thing that I teach everybody, and this is actually what I do in my keynote speeches, I get everybody to walk away with a mind map of their recovery journey. So whether they go further with me and actually writing and publishing their book, or if they turn this into a speech, whatever it is, the number one thing is that we have to empty our mind of everything that we want to say. Because if you if you've ever spoken, like let's say told your story in a fellowship, you know, and then afterwards, you're like, oh, I should have said this, oh, I should have said this. Oh, I shouldn't have said that. Oh, I should have said this. You have to collect everything that's up here and get it into existence. So I do something. I call it the the mind dump story vault. So you sit down with a timer for 25 minutes. And with five words or less, you write down every single experience you can possibly think of of your life. And when I say five words or less instead of writing, you know, the time that I met John Hickenlooper at the event down to the Civic Center Park, you know, I just write John Hickenlooper. And then just because my mind knows what it is, and then I write as many experiences from the time I was born, until now that I can possibly think of for 25 minutes, timer goes off, I get up, I walk around, get a drink of water, sit back down, 25 minutes, boom, I do it again. And I go until I'm like, Alright, there's nothing else here. I literally have all the experiences I can possibly think of to put into my story down on paper. Then I have the number each one of those stories they just wrote down from one to five. One is before addiction. This story happened before I ever use drugs. It happened before I was drinking or anything like that. So I put an one next to that all the way down for every story to is at the experimental stage like the the time when you're starting to use drugs, but not really like knowing what's going on that kind of stuff. Three is going to be like the deep addiction stories, the really hard war stories, the things that you went through that that just sucked like really bad that you want people to relate to the story of addiction, those are threes. fours are the story, the process of getting clean, getting sober, what you did the experiences you had what happened, leading up to the point of that, that moment of clarity what you did, if it was the 12 steps, if it was church, if it was, you know, just a decision, those stories are on number fours, then number fives are going to be your post addiction, your recovery stories, the hope the now I went skydiving six months into my recovery, I'd wanted to do it for 10 years, you know, those kinds of stories are number five's, then I have them do what's called a mind map, a mind map of the recovery story. So you write a circle in the middle of a page, and five lines out from that circle 12345. And then you draw circles on each of the ends of each of those lines. And then you have to, you're only allowed to pick three of each number. So you got you got to pick what three stories you want to tell from before addiction, those ones that really hit home, on your message, those ones that you want to get across, hey, I maybe maybe you tell a story about when you were molested, you know, because you need people to know about that trauma, because it's such a big part of your story. But you don't need to tell the story about when Joey stole your lollipop in second grade. Because that wasn't really that bad, it doesn't really help your your story. So you pick three ones, three twos, three threes, three fours, three fives, and you put them in your mind map. And that way you have 15 experiences that go from experience, to strength to hope all the way through. And then you specifically do it in that order. And that way you know exactly what your story is, you know exactly what you're going to tell and the message that you get across. And another I'm going to give this I don't usually tell this part also. But I just I just want to give you another little piece in that center circle. In that center circle, you want to write what the message is that you want to get across Mine, mine was one man's journey through the spiritual realm of addiction. So all, every single one of the stories in my book, have a spiritual underlying to them. So when I was picking the 15 stories out of my mind map, each one of them had to be getting across the message of the spiritual realm of addiction. So before, during, and after all had spiritual experiences behind them. So if you want to tell the story of, of strength of of coming out of trauma, you know, then each one of the 15 stories that you pick for your Mind Map, have to be tailored to get that specific message across. Because that way you're turning your story, not just You're not just trying to tell your story so that people will hear your story. Now you've turned your story into a message that will that will create more and more impact and hope for people that hear it.

Jen: 43:08

Wow, I'm so many places. I could go with that. I think that's amazing in terms of just having that that structure to, you know, what's the what's the point one, you know, it doesn't always need to be just necessarily the cathartic reason to write our story. But it's like, what do you want people to hear it saying, Well, what do you want people to hear? And how do you get that point across? And I think what you're doing is so incredible. And I you know, I hope that, you know, one day it gets tailored into helping families do the same exact thing with their stories in terms of, you know, what was it like for them to have their loved one and how did they support themselves and the message they want to get across to other family members, because I think that could be a huge value. For the for the families out there that do feel like there's nothing out there. They're so alone and all of those things.

Adam: 44:15

So I have I have actually helped a mother publish her, publish her story, her book, a beautiful tragedy. And because her husband or her sorry, her son was signed with Atlantic Records. He was 18. He was doing really well. And he ended up passing away from overdose. And I helped her she didn't do the exact process that I just explained to you. But she wrote her story. And then I helped her to publish it. And I wrote the foreword to it. Because it was so impactful for me she actually just did a interview with DMX his family. They did it on the news and they were talking about the impact that addiction is having in in the hip hop World. So,

Jen: 45:02

yeah, so that's a great one. I'm I've been sitting here thinking about all the the moms out there I'm kind of wanting to share that story with it was called a beautiful tragedy. Yes, I'm gonna look that up because I think that's gonna be interesting. Yeah, that's amazing. Especially since you helped her get her story story out. And I think that is that's just what we need to keep doing for each other is just, I mean her story ended, like we all fear and she's able to help a lot of people through that. Yeah. And that's that's where it's like you were saying in the very beginning. We need purpose. Yeah, all of us as humans, amen.

Adam: 45:55

We need a purpose. What's your purpose?

Jen: 45:59

You know, if you don't have one, find one be inspired. You know, a lot of people are like corporate slaves hating life, because they don't have a purpose. They have a job, but they don't have a purpose.

Adam: 46:14

Right? So right, one piece of action that I that I tell everybody to do, no matter what you're doing with your life, one hour, every single day has to be spent on something you love, period.

Jen: 46:25

That is, yeah, so that's so important. And I think I think I do that at least one hour, a day, if not more, and it's been probably the one of the biggest reasons why I'm able to just, you know, keep doing what I'm doing and have the life that I have, is like I you know, I love my life, my life is, is amazing. And it's because I do a lot of the things that I enjoy doing. I tell that for families, it's like, you got to bring yourself joy. Even if things aren't going well with your loved one. You still got to do the things that you love, can't sit around and just sit in fear. So one of the last kind of questions that I like to end on is what would you tell families out there that they can do for themselves to best help them

Adam: 47:27

if you still have somebody that's out there in addiction, the biggest thing is going to be prayer and and just sending love resentment and and fear and all of that. Like it you're it's out of your control. It just really is out of your control and learning the process of giving it over to God and praying for you're praying for your loved one and just showering them with love that will release you have a lot of the fear a lot of the a lot of the resentment a lot of the anger because I know anger comes out in addiction in families as well. But realizing that you are powerless over their addiction, but you're not powerless over yourself and and the love that you can share and the prayers that you can say

Jen: 48:16

yeah, I think I think that's so important. So much of what you said was so important for the families to hear. But I just really want to thank you for coming on here and sharing your message. You have an amazing story we didn't really even get in this is this was a great we didn't even get in to a lot of you're using because it's you know it's like this past we're here now.

Unknown: 48:42

Well, if anybody you mind if I give my book away for free?

Jen: 48:45

Oh, absolutely. I was gonna actually that was gonna be the next thing that I wanted to ask was was how can people find you? And where can they get your book

Adam: 48:56

so if they want my I give away a digital copy and my audio copy of my book for free on my website recovered on purpose calm if they subscribe at the bottom and also at recovering on purpose calm if you go to the shop, and you can get signed copies of my book of Brittany's book Kohl's book, and Judy's books when I was just telling you about so if you want to if you want to pick those up, you can get them over at recovered on purpose calm. And then I am I am building more and more on the Facebook platform. That's where I do a lot of my videos and podcasts and things like that. So we'd love to see people over there.

Jen: 49:31

That's great. Um, no, that's so amazing. So I'm going to have all of that in the show notes for people to be able to find them and I'm probably going to share your book all over because I have a face book group as well. And I'm going to be sharing that out as well as as some of the other ones for for my Facebook group because it's specifically for families dealing with addiction. So I just again, I just wanted to thank you so much. This was such a great conversation. And do you have any final final last words that you want to share with with either, you know, people starting their journey in recovery or to the families out there.

Unknown: 50:16

For anyone starting their journey in recovery, I want to tell you that the only step in any 12 STEP program that says that you're powerless, is the first step. And it says you're powerless over drugs. And then you are able to connect with a power that gives you power and ability to do all things that you have ever wanted to do in your recovery. And with your life, you do not have to proclaim that you are powerless the rest of your life because you are not you are powerful, and you are able to do everything you have ever dreamed of. So go do it.

Jen: 50:48

Thank you for saying that. I really appreciate that. That was a great final thing. To remind people, you are not powerless over a lot of things, especially yourself. So thank you for that reminder. And thank you for listening to this podcast. If you want to listen to more or find more information out about this podcast and more of what I do to help families you can go check out my page at unbreakable boundaries. Podcast calm is full of other great podcasts just like this one, and other great resources to look through. And please remember to share this podcast with others you never know who may need to hear this. People are often hiding their battles in this arena. And sharing is a great way to provide this valuable resource to a person you may not even know who needs it. And don't forget, there is always hope, even when things seem the most hopeless. Thank you for listening to this podcast a few years ago, I started my business helping families that have loved ones in addiction. Or if you don't really like that term mental health challenges that result in substance abuse. I did this for the sole purpose of having somewhere for the families to turn to to ask questions to get support, and figure out what to do with their loved one and how to best support and help them along the way. We simply don't really always know where to go. Next we get lost, confused, scared. Sometimes people just need to talk a situation out. And they need to have a sounding board for what is the next best move for them. Maybe you just need to feel like you aren't crazy. You could be struggling with your boundaries. You could be struggling with sleeping, knowing what to say, knowing what to do, and so many more struggles. Whatever the struggles are, I can help you gain some clarity. This is what I want you to do. I want you to schedule a call with me. It's totally free. It's just somewhere for you to be able to ask questions to get the support you need. And to figure out what the next best move for you really is. I even have a few programs that could even help you, which we'll talk about in the calls. Maybe one of those programs is a right fit. Maybe they aren't and that's okay. This call is to figure out what is the next best step for you to take at the end of the call either way, you will have a very clear next step. Are you scared to make that call? Are you scared of what it will mean? If you voice things out loud, do it anyways, you're going to be glad that you did. So I want you to go to schedule agenne.com that has one n in it. Or you can go to Maneely consulting.com. To learn more Maneely is spelled ma n e l y. Even if you don't make that call today, I want you to remember one thing. Tough Love is not about being tough on them. It's about sometimes making decisions that are tough to do. So when you're ready and you have a tough decision to face and you don't quite know where to go. That may be a time in which you may be a little bit more ready to call and we can hash those decisions out and you can get clarity. So I want you to remember that for the future. Even if you're not willing to call today.